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Fear
of snakes
(Gabriela’s
experience)
While attending a three days workshop in San
Diego, I had a very interesting experience as a homeless in downtown San
Diego for three hours. The experience was part of the workshop and we all
agreed to go through it, even we didn’t know what it is about (before it
started). We were more than 150 people at that event and each of us had his
own experience as homeless. When we got together at the end, we noticed how
much we learned from it ... all of us!
But let me start from the beginning: that day the
workshop started very early in the morning and around 12:30 pm we were all
hungry... waiting for the lunch break. The workshop leader asked us to
choose from the cloths lying beside the stage (ripped shirts, T-shirts,
skirts, pants, jackets, etc.), go back to our room, change our own cloths
with these ones, remove any make-up, watches, jewellery ... and lock
everything of value (money, debit and credit cards, jewellery, watches,
etc.) in the room’s safe.
When we came back in the
meeting room, they put some makeup on our faces and gel in our hair to look
like we were very dirty, with stuffed and ruffled hair ... then we were embarked in a
few buses. Everybody else looked funny, without really knowing how you
looked like. We didn’t know what’s
next, until the buses stopped in downtown San Diego.
We were
told to resist as a homeless there... for three hours: alone, if you’re
hungry or thirsty you have to manage the situation somehow, if you need
restrooms find them, if you see another participants drop your eyes and
pretend that you don’t know them, and you have to be at a certain place and
time to catch the bus back. All we had with us was a small piece of paper
with the place name and time regarding the bus and an emergency phone
number!
I was amused by the idea of wandering in downtown
San Diego; I didn’t have the chance before and I was curious to explore it.
I didn’t care how I looked. I knew that I am more than
what other people see (homeless cloths and makeup), so I start walking on
streets. I passed an outdoor skating ring (17 degrees Celsius!), a nice
Christmas tree and I entered in the mall. Being thirsty, I stopped at
Starbucks and ask for some water: “With ice or no ice?” she asked. “No ice”
I’ve answered with a smile on my face, thinking that even a homeless could
be treated honourable. I took a few brown sugar bags on my way out (to satisfy my hunger) and
I continue my walk in the mall. I noticed people so busy with their own
thoughts and what they want to do, that they made you feel... invisible! :)
I step out of the mall and
walked in an antiquity store near by.
Noticing that I’m looking at the furniture, a young man approached
me. I asked questions about the piece on my left (more 19,000$), about the
store and he answered very polite, like a connoisseur.
When I turned to leave, he told me that I have a hole on the back
side of my sweater, “Do you know?” he asked. “Oh ya...” I answered
smiling, and he continued: “I hope you didn’t get heart!”. It was
interesting to notice how he talked to me, I didn’t expect so much respect.
I continued my walk on streets,
and a real homeless ask me for 20$! While responding “No” I start
laughing... and walked away. Since the gathering place was near the mall, I
came back to it. Almost two hours passed, I started feeling tired ... and
suddenly I saw the Restrooms sign. Oups, I really needed it! While washing
my hands I noticed my face in the mirror: red eyes caused by tiredness, stuffed hair, dirty
face ... pretty
much like a homeless. The more I looked at my face, the more I felt
overwhelmed by the situation. Suddenly I started hearing music... Jingle
Bells... Jingle Bells... I started dancing, smiling and... a happy feeling
showed up.
My visit to the mall continued
to a luxurious
store with a jewellery department.
Smiling, the shop girl said “Hello” and start asking me questions
(how I’m doing, where I’m from,...). When she mentioned that they have
jewellery of 19,000$ she really picked my attention! :) “Can I see
them?”... “Sure!” ... and she took the key to open the glass lid of the
table with the diamond jewellery. “You don’t have to... I just want to see
them”, but she insisted to open it. Showing me a 10,000 $ diamond ring, she insisted I try it.
With a shy smile on my face... I accepted. “Try this one too, it’s only
6000$... but the fun is when you try them!” :) I thanked her and went
away. I paid attention to what I
felt while trying those diamond rings, was it anything special?! I didn’t
notice anything. Maybe ... when rich people buy them, it’s more about their
moral value?! It’s like “I can afford this if I want” (the power of having
money) or “look how much he appreciates me” (if it’s a gift), instead of a
special feeling of wearing a diamond ring?!
On my way back it started raining... heavily. I knew
that I don’t have a good resistance at cold, at rain even less, but if it’s
a game... let’s play it! I was wearing a lace pattern sweater (with a hole
on my back)... walking in the rain ... while my attention shift from the
cold and raindrops to the other side of the road. I passed by a man staring
at me with pity, another one with curiosity, another that grabbed eagerly
his pizza while staring at me ... I didn’t care. I asked people about the
time and they responded politely. I didn’t even feel the cold anymore.
Approaching the gathering place I saw other participants crouched down and
looking down too.
Finally, the bus came and we return to our hotel.
We had 5 minutes to change the cloths in our rooms, then back to the event
room to share what we learned from this experience.
Someone was so shamed of his look that he avoided
the other people, the stores... he was even sent away in the street (from
the hotel stairs) when he tried to protect himself from the rain.
A participant asked for money and she received,
so she was able to buy a sandwich: ask and you will receive! Another one
didn’t accepted when someone wanted to give her money... she realized later
that receiving/ accepting is another way of acknowledging ones kindness,
who gives you with open heart!
Listening what other
participants had to say, I gain some courage to stand up and ask for the
microphone: “I realized that cloths and makeup do not count so much, it’s
about how you show up in front of other people... your attitude!”... and I
gave the example with the diamond rings. “You look surprised ” said the
leader, “What did you learn from this?”. A thought came into my mind and I
expressed it loudly:” That I value more than I think I am.” “You were!”
comes his comment. Thinking at the glass of water from Starbacks I
continued: “Ask and you shall receive!” I learned how useful is to ask, you
just have to find the courage! A young woman beside me said:” And they
didn’t charge you for the plastic cup? I can’t believe it!?” I couldn’t pay
for it anyway! :) I learned also, but I didn’t tell them, that you receive
what you need at the right moment: Jingle Bells when I needed to refresh,
the Restrooms, the horologe
when I needed to ask what’s the time.
The
more you pay attention to what’s happening in the present moment and you
shift your attention to something else if you don’t like how you feel (cold
for example)... the more you help yourself out of the descendent spiral
that drags your moral down... and the others will react accordingly (as a
mirror of your own behaviour/attitude).
This was the description of my own experience and
what I’ve learned from it. As you noticed, other participants had different
experiences and learning.
It’s also interesting
how people reacted differently to this story, since I sent it by email and
posted it on a forum of discussions:
- some people noticed
how the outside world reacted (the shop girl for example) and tried to
explain why
- others paid attention
to the inside world, my behaviour or how they would react in such
experience
- for some, the
experience was not perfect (different reasons); others found it interesting
- someone (with a
religious background) said that angels protected me from something even
worse when I heard Jingle Bells
- there are people that
assumed something and sustained vehemently their opinions, without even
verifying with the narrator if what they believe it’s true (for example,
they assumed that it was a training for coaches or to learn about homeless behaviour
- it was something else, even the experience could be helpful in such cases
too)
- some people tried to
learn something from this story, others tried to find flaws
- a friend with a
journalism and philosophy background told me that the most valuable phrase
from this story is “others will react accordingly (as a mirror of your own
behaviour/attitude)”
- a sociologist told to
my sister: “Excellent! Your sister is sociologist? I’m asking this because
she has great skills as a participating observer in a sociological
research!”
- someone said that
entering dressed like that in a luxurious store was “CRAZY!”; she also had
experiences that God gave her what she needed at that moment.
In
fact, everybody is right from his own perspective! We tend to react and
judge things based on our own perception regarding the external or internal
world. However, how many times we pay attention if our own way of thinking
– talking – acting or reacting at one moment in time … really helps us?! Is
it useful for us to learn and grow … or weakens us even more?
Gabriela Casineanu, ACC, ORSC, M.Eng, MBA
www.quantumlifecoach.ca
www.photocoachingalbum.com
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I
wrote in my journal: “What do I have to do to break this pattern?”. I look
around, and talk with other people about their experience. A friend told me
she was so scared, that she didn’t want to do the exercise, she cried.
Noticing that other people did it, she got the courage to try herself.
Still crying, she was able to get her key. She was happy after, she even
get back and touched the snakes, to see if she’s still afraid of them.. she
wasn’t anymore!